我? 是的。

Sunday, January 23, 2011


又是我吗?
对啊,
又是我..

你出去了,
没带电话,
我又可以说些什么呢..

等你回来,
我没有吗?
虽然我说我不等了,
最后我还不是等你了吗?
我还不是回你了吗?

等你的时候,
你知道我都在干什么吗?

我什么都没心情做,
写写下字,
又把书给盖起来

上网,
一直停留在同一页,
Refresh 了又 refresh,
但是心还是不在哪里.

这些一分钟如一天的日子,
我不知如何过,
谁可以教教我?

听音乐,
是我唯一能做的事情。
听着音乐,
才知道原来我的心还会痛.

我知道你都有等我回来,
但是,
在我外头时,
我都有在和你传简讯吧
可能你觉得不需要,
但是,
我需要.

如果我没带电话出去,
会是怎样的呢?

生气? 担心?不管?
还是没什么..?

伤害了你,
抱歉,
没下次了,
这是我说的。

The.Unnoticeable.Fear.That.Rise.Suddenly.From.No.Where.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


There were so many arguments lately.
With reason, without reasons, Knowing the reasons and Without knowing the reason.

Why..? Whyy is it happening?
Is it something essential for a relationship?
If yes, and do it have to happen so frequently?
If no, then why there are so many arguments lately?

Misunderstanding? Saying something wrongly? Sensitive? Something changing?

I don't like this.
Serious, i hate this.
This feeling is suck.
It makes me feel like something is so wrong,
yet I couldn't fix it
because I don't really know what is wrong.
Isn't it funny?

You always say you don't want an argument,
That's why you said it's your fault,
and there's the end of the story,
and then we will back to like nothing ever happens.

It sounds like something good right?
Because,
In this case, we can avoid argument.!
We can act like nothing happens,
We are still so "we".

But think back,
Is it really that good?
Everything is keep inside your heart,
Accumulating.

Arguments,
Indicate that, there's a problem arise.
Problem is meant to be solve,
Not meant to be avoid or ignore..!

Let's talk about today!
Should be a great day i suppose.
Go out shopping after Spanish lesson,
Buy stuffs,
Tell him about what my course-mate told me just now :
That there are a dinner night that is opened for everyone,
He asked us to go and learn the ball room dance,
Because he need some pairs of people to take part for the dance.

Isn't it sounds lovely? Dancing, Ballroom..?
Oh ya,
He said it going to held at Shangri-La Hotel,
WoW..! Is it awesome..?
And there going to be a family day for our course,
But the venue is not set.
So overall,
the ballroom thingy cost Rm65 and the Family Day is Rm20..!
All together is Rm85.
Is it a bit too expensive,
And i don't think both of us are interested.

So much things to share with him yet i have to just shut up and swallow it an the moment.
Nomore from me.
( Bad Day for Me. ) whole thing divide by half, or many more. Hahaha Nonsense.

Only.If.You.Care.

Thursday, December 30, 2010



Wake up around 11am plus,
Go out for lunch.
Sometimes will have a walk with friends after lunch,
Most of the time will call me after you are home.

When you are home,
You will play game with him.
Slight Sms with me,
Around 4pm,
You will have your nap.

Wake up again around 5pm,
Sms me after you wake up,
I know its time for you to bath and have your dinner.
After dinner,
You will call for awhile.

Telling me you going to play with him again.
Ok! Just go on.
Call me around 1am,
which is when you want to sleep.
Talk for awhile.
Telling me lets sms.
This is the only time where im REALLY sms ing with you.

Do you get what Im trying to say?
This is the time where you are only SMS ing with me without doing other things.
The way you sms at night is so different.
I know you never realize it,
Because im the one who reading it,
Not you.!

Those sms-es that you sent to me at night are longer,
Not to say its more meaningful but at least when i tell you something you will reply slightly longer?

You always ask me what m i doing..?
But i rarely ask you what are you doing,
Because i know what you are doing during different time.

Things changed, if you realize.
We rarely skype anymore.
I wonder , if that day i did not say i want to skype,
I bet we will never skype until now.

Afraid to tell you things in the afternoon.
Do you know why?
Im afraid the next message you reply is telling me you wanna play game,
Or you wanna take a nap.
How do you want me to response beside telling you okokay?

Im wondering,
Could you write down things i do like what i wrote up there?
I bet you can't.
Should i ask you about it?
Or should i just Shut up and just Shut up?

I don't know why i write this for,
Im not blaming anyone,
And maybe im thinking too much,
Wanting too much from what I already have,
But,
Expressing my feeling over here is better than i just keep it to myself.

If you bother to read,
You will know what happened.

WhenExpectationsFail.

Monday, December 27, 2010

24.

I expected something,
Yet there is nothing.

25.

I expected more,
Yet there is nothing.

27.

I don't expect anything,
Because knowing there would be nothing again.

31. / 1.

Don't even dare to expect for something,
Because heart is not meant to be broken,
And expectations, hurt.

If don't want to get hurt,
Please quit expecting,
Because it kills you silently and slowly without you realizing it.

o111.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010


突然,
脑里环绕着首首悲伤的音乐,
整个人也变得好灰.

看着时间一分一秒得过去,
再看看书桌上,
叠着满满的纸和厚厚的课本,
我,
被压得喘不过气来.

一页一页地翻着那厚厚的课本,
心却不知已在何处,
进去脑里的却是我听着的歌曲,

就这样,
心情也随着音乐的旋律改变着.

书上写的一棵棵字,
看起来是多么的简单,

但是,

一旦心情被影响了,
陷入了低潮时,
多简单的东西都会变得好复杂,
不是吗?

*笑,
可以很正实,
可以很单纯,
也可以当做是一种掩饰.

当一个人笑了,
他真的是开心吗?
他是发自内心的笑吗?
还是在掩饰他的痛苦和悲伤,
不想让别人拆穿他的感受?

我,
笑了.
是因为不想让你担心.

带着面具,
让人猜不透的,
往往会让人想起小丑,

因为他无时无刻都得把笑容挂在脸上,
不管此刻的他是开心的,
还是伤心的.

他把欢乐带给了大家,
但,
人散了,
把面具给那下来,
脸部的肌肉几乎已麻痹.
他把最初的笑容给遗忘了,

他,
已分不清,
他的笑,
是开心的?
还是一种需要.

此刻,
他笑了,
但他懂.

那时的笑,
是在嘲笑自己..

当笑变成了一种工作,
我们还会开心吗?
开心时,
我们还会笑吗?

问着没有答案的问题,
还是算了吧. *

努力的把自己拉回现实里,

看着一样的场景,
一样的课本,
一样的页数,

我好想把自己塞进被窝里,
抱着枕头,
把自己弄得很狼狈,
然后再后悔没有好好的把握时间温习,
把自己恨恨得痛骂一顿,
折磨一番,
就这样傻了,

多好…

你问我 :

我还好吗?

我可以告诉你,
我不好… 吗?

还是早点睡吧,
晚安.