Only.If.You.Care.

Wake up around 11am plus,
Go out for lunch.
Sometimes will have a walk with friends after lunch,
Most of the time will call me after you are home.

When you are home,
You will play game with him.
Slight Sms with me,
Around 4pm,
You will have your nap.

Wake up again around 5pm,
Sms me after you wake up,
I know its time for you to bath and have your dinner.
After dinner,
You will call for awhile.

Telling me you going to play with him again.
Ok! Just go on.
Call me around 1am,
which is when you want to sleep.
Talk for awhile.
Telling me lets sms.
This is the only time where im REALLY sms ing with you.

Do you get what Im trying to say?
This is the time where you are only SMS ing with me without doing other things.
The way you sms at night is so different.
I know you never realize it,
Because im the one who reading it,
Not you.!

Those sms-es that you sent to me at night are longer,
Not to say its more meaningful but at least when i tell you something you will reply slightly longer?

You always ask me what m i doing..?
But i rarely ask you what are you doing,
Because i know what you are doing during different time.

Things changed, if you realize.
We rarely skype anymore.
I wonder , if that day i did not say i want to skype,
I bet we will never skype until now.

Afraid to tell you things in the afternoon.
Do you know why?
Im afraid the next message you reply is telling me you wanna play game,
Or you wanna take a nap.
How do you want me to response beside telling you okokay?

Im wondering,
Could you write down things i do like what i wrote up there?
I bet you can't.
Should i ask you about it?
Or should i just Shut up and just Shut up?

I don't know why i write this for,
Im not blaming anyone,
And maybe im thinking too much,
Wanting too much from what I already have,
But,
Expressing my feeling over here is better than i just keep it to myself.

If you bother to read,
You will know what happened.

WhenExpectationsFail.

24.

I expected something,
Yet there is nothing.

25.

I expected more,
Yet there is nothing.

27.

I don't expect anything,
Because knowing there would be nothing again.

31. / 1.

Don't even dare to expect for something,
Because heart is not meant to be broken,
And expectations, hurt.

If don't want to get hurt,
Please quit expecting,
Because it kills you silently and slowly without you realizing it.

o111.

突然,
脑里环绕着首首悲伤的音乐,
整个人也变得好灰.

看着时间一分一秒得过去,
再看看书桌上,
叠着满满的纸和厚厚的课本,
我,
被压得喘不过气来.

一页一页地翻着那厚厚的课本,
心却不知已在何处,
进去脑里的却是我听着的歌曲,

就这样,
心情也随着音乐的旋律改变着.

书上写的一棵棵字,
看起来是多么的简单,

但是,

一旦心情被影响了,
陷入了低潮时,
多简单的东西都会变得好复杂,
不是吗?

*笑,
可以很正实,
可以很单纯,
也可以当做是一种掩饰.

当一个人笑了,
他真的是开心吗?
他是发自内心的笑吗?
还是在掩饰他的痛苦和悲伤,
不想让别人拆穿他的感受?

我,
笑了.
是因为不想让你担心.

带着面具,
让人猜不透的,
往往会让人想起小丑,

因为他无时无刻都得把笑容挂在脸上,
不管此刻的他是开心的,
还是伤心的.

他把欢乐带给了大家,
但,
人散了,
把面具给那下来,
脸部的肌肉几乎已麻痹.
他把最初的笑容给遗忘了,

他,
已分不清,
他的笑,
是开心的?
还是一种需要.

此刻,
他笑了,
但他懂.

那时的笑,
是在嘲笑自己..

当笑变成了一种工作,
我们还会开心吗?
开心时,
我们还会笑吗?

问着没有答案的问题,
还是算了吧. *

努力的把自己拉回现实里,

看着一样的场景,
一样的课本,
一样的页数,

我好想把自己塞进被窝里,
抱着枕头,
把自己弄得很狼狈,
然后再后悔没有好好的把握时间温习,
把自己恨恨得痛骂一顿,
折磨一番,
就这样傻了,

多好…

你问我 :

我还好吗?

我可以告诉你,
我不好… 吗?

还是早点睡吧,
晚安.

今天..

好累,
真的好累了,
不知道还可以撑多久,
再这样下去,
我会疯狂掉的!!

这样的累,
让我好想家,
好想爸爸和妈妈,
好想妹妹的废话,
好想姐姐的傻里傻气,
好想我的床,
好想我的房间,
我好想回家...

爸爸 妈妈,
你们几时的空过来看看我啊?
我今天又看到有人的爸爸 妈妈在那餐馆里,
应该是来看看他们的孩子吧,
让我好羡慕哦..
我知道你们很忙,
我,
也只随便说说而已,
发泄发泄一些,
可能会比较好吧..

下雨了,
很想站在雨下,
让眼泪随着雨水,
一起流下,
这样,
就没有人会看我这脆弱的一面,
好让自己为自己找个理由,
告诉自己,
我没哭; 不是我在哭,
是雨水, 而不是泪水.

过后,
把眼泪察干,
我还是我,
你们认识的我,
笑一笑,
再继续往前走..

Failure.

Just a failure as usual.

Failed to cook a simple maggie ;
Failed to wash my clothes without making it coloured in the end ;
Failed to take good care of my lappie until need to send it for repair ;
Failed to take good care of myself until got gastric ;
Failed to take good care of my earphone until one side of it is soundless ;
Failed to fold my clothes nicely ;
Failed to control my temper ;
Failed to cheer myself up ;
Failed to spend money wisely ;
Failed to solve my own problems ;
Failed to not asking helps from people ;
Failed to become independent ;
Failed to not thinking about all kind of craps ;
Failed to not being childish ;
Failed to get things done in time ;
Failed to not torturing myself not no reason ;

The most importantly,
I failed to make you quit,
I failed to make myself as a reason for you to quit ;
I failed in thinking that I can make you quit .

Please call me ATotalFailure. Thanks.